Archived Story

Kicking ax and other 9-year-old perspectives

Published 9:03am Monday, February 27, 2012

Our youngest son entered this world with an intense need to communicate. And ask questions. And talk (just ask his fourth-grade teacher).

He’s a thinker as well, and sometimes it feels like all his brain cells are spewing forth through his mouth in the form of questions directed at my husband and me (and the fourth-grade teacher, of course).

His verbosity keeps us on our toes. The effort required to process and respond to his fast-paced banter is akin to mental aerobics.

I like to think he’s keeping my brain in shape (instead of wearing it out).

There are other benefits to his verbal antics. When compiled, his one-liners, unique perspective and creative interpretation of the English language make for a fun read. Here are some of his latest thoughts:

• Culinary observations

After barely eating his supper one evening he said, “It’s just that me and vegetables don’t have a connection,” he paused and continued, “Especially cabbage.” When sipping a glass of tart lemonade he observed, “Something about this drink gives me stretchy spit.”

He sat silent at the kitchen table and I knew he was pondering major thoughts when he said, “Guess what I just figured out? A peanut butter sandwich without the peanut butter is just bread.”

• Ideas about our swimming friends

When he noticed the water in the fish aquarium had evaporated he asked, “Where does the water go? Do the fish drink it?”

Yesterday he came into the kitchen singing the jingle from a frozen fish company, “Trust a gorgeous fisherman.”

• Big thoughts on our big nation

He must have been contemplating the differences between small town and city life when he said, “When I was little I used to think when it came to cities, the bigger the better. But I changed my mind. Give me a small town and a Walmart and I’m happy.”

We were driving across the country on a family vacation when he asked, “If you lived on the border of two states would your address be Minnesconsin or Floribama?”

• Optimism and the weather

The sun was shining on a particularly warm January afternoon when he said, “I can hardly believe it. It’s the beginning of the end of winter already.”

•Like the emperor?

One hot day last summer he announced, “I just don’t understand the logic of clothes.”

•Bullies, hockey and the flu

The other day he was talking to my husband and I overheard him ask, “Dad, if bullies were picking on me, would you step in and kick ax?”

When commenting on the work ethic of his hockey team he said, “We always do our best. We’re a bunch of try hards.”

When he was sick and anxious to get well he wondered, “When is God gonna lift this away from me and drop it on someone else?”

Finally, I had to scold him for something and afterwards he appeared unhappy, so I said, “You know I still love you. I just don’t love what you did.” He thought about this for a moment before asking, “But do you at least love me better than the dog?”

Of course I love him better than the dog — and the cat, too, for that matter. I love his outlook, honesty and energy toward life. Some days, his questions seem overwhelming, but I am well aware of the fact that there will come a time when he no longer looks to me for the answers to life’s mysteries. That day will be here before I am ready.

Until then, ask away, little guy. Ask away.

 

 

Follow Slices of Life on Facebook. Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist and author of “The Do-It-Yourselfer’s Guide to Self-Syndication” Email her at pertmn@qwest.net

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