Archived Story

New Year means new focuses [UPDATED]

Published 9:46am Wednesday, January 9, 2013 Updated 11:50am Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A New Year means that there should be some new directions, some new focus. So.

This year, I’m going to write about the outstanding character of more people. First, since I put in my two miles of walking on a county blacktop nearly every day, I’ll likely focus some well-deserved attention on those people who, as they approach me in their speeding vehicles, demonstrate to me that this is “Their Road” and dammeralltoheck, are going to show me it’s “Their Road” by not giving me one single inch more of it.

Quite a thrill, having a two-ton automobile that close. Can’t thank you drivers enough. A thrill a car, no doubt about it. Hats off to you. (I didn’t say “outstanding” meant “good.”)

Hats off especially to those of you who own every bit of “Their Road” and want to tell someone about how possession is nine-tenths of the law on their cell phone while they’re showing me it’s “Their Road” by how close they can come to me.

I can only hope that I’ll get the chance to be so nice to you someday. And, so close. May you step in dog poo.

And an Outstanding Behavior Award to those of you in those vehicles for keeping the interiors of them nice and tidy by throwing your beer cans, your vodka bottles, your pop cans, and your FastBurger wrappers out the window. Think about how idle my walk would be, were I to just amble along considering life’s big questions, with nothing to do but think.

My loss, no doubt about it, if you quit that behavior. There should be some other “special” award for those of you who pitch pop cans full of snoozespit out the window of your car.

I don’t blame you for not wanting that in your car. Why you put it in your mouth is the first question.

Maybe this is the year I answer some of those ads about adding some vigor to my sex life. Maybe get me some of those magic pills that make the old bean stalk grow taller, and write about it.

Maybe get some magic fertilizer to help the crop grow more vigorously, and stand up to wild weather. But, maybe, GMO (genetically modified organism) thinking is causing enough havoc with farmer’s corn and beans, and it shouldn’t be applied to my bean stalk.

Not that I’m not curious, I am. You do it. Write me all about it. If I’m not napping, not too tired from auto avoidance maneuvers, and not worn out from giving awards, maybe I can write something about it.

Maybe I’ll write some more about how much I love Windows8, the software on my new desktop computer. Without a doubt, Microsoft brings to mind one of my favorite sayings: Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should have done it.

You know those signs on the Interstate highways? The ones that tell you there’s food and lodging and stuff at the next exit? And then you get to that exit, and take it, and there’s nothing in sight? And then you get back onto the Interstate, but you get off again?

And you just keep going around and around and while you’re wandering around in circles, your gas guage is falling faster than your patience?

Welcome to Windows 8. Thank you, Microsoft, for allowing me to pay you for a highway that just goes around and around in a circle, with no entrances, just lots of signs.

Thank you to those of you who have purchased my book, “The Prairie Spy: Who Shot the Dryer and Other Stories from the Home Front.” It’s available at your local book store, and on Amazon. And thank you to those of you who read.

Me, especially.

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