Sessions help children understand disabled siblings

By Susan Larson | The Daily Journal

Published 12:00 p.m., April 7, 2007

Maryjane Westra was a teen when her autistic sister, Martha, then 7, was institutionalized.

“I missed her terribly,” Westra said. “My parents thought my life would be easier, but I missed her. I worried about her every day.”

Growing up with a severely disabled brother, Katie Fitzkappes felt it was a burden at times, but it fostered her sense of empathy and nurturing.

The two women’s familiarity with the feelings that come with being the sibling of a disabled child prompted them, along with and Britany Wevley, also the sister of a disabled sibling, to facilitate a series of group meetings called Sibshops.

Open to children ages 6 through 13 who have a sibling with a mental, physical or emotional disability, Sibshops acknowledges the unique emotions that come with being the brother or sister of a person with special needs. A three-session series is scheduled for April 13, 20, and 27 from 4 to 7 p.m. at McKinely Elementary gym. Cost is $5 per session (registration is required).

“It’s good to go to all three,” Westra said, “but if you can’t that’s OK.”

Sessions are a mix of games, new friends and discussion activities.

“We’re not therapists,” Westra said. “The focus is to have fun and provide a safe network of people in the same situation. Kids can talk about what it’s like with other kids like them.”

“It’s more about making the social connection,” Fitzkappes said.

Rosemary Rundquist, 6, who has a younger brother with Downs Syndrome, attended the first Sibshop in Fergus Falls last November.

“It gave her individual time that wasn’t focused on a child with special needs,” her mother, Heather Rundquist, said. “It gave her a special time to be the focus of attention. It’s another way for Rosemary to work through her feelings about her brother and his disability.”

Fitzkappes attended a similar group as a child. She recalls being amazed by the number of other kids with disabled siblings. Her brother, Andy, now 26, has Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome (a multiple congenital malformation syndrome caused by an abnormality in cholesterol metabolism)

“It was challenging in the typical family functions, like going to soccer games, church or out to eat,” she said, “because of the inappropriate behavior and everyone would stare. Growing up, I thought it was kind of a burden, but my parents were always appreciative of how I helped them out with his care.”

Andy played a role in Fitzkappes’ decision to become a social worker.

“I wanted to help a vulnerable population of society,” she said.

Supper is included in the registration fee.

“We always have a meal because eating is fun and it creates an atmosphere of talking like around the dinner table,” Westra said.

The Sibshops series is a collaboration between the Local Advisory Council, Permanent Family Resource Center and the Arc.

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