Complaint-free day a challenge

By Dave Churchill (Contact) | The Daily Journal

Published Friday, March 23, 2007

By now you may have heard about the Missouri minister whose challenge to his congregation has sparked a nationwide movement: A complaint-free world.

Last summer, the Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church in Unity, Kansas, urged his congregation to go 21 days without complaining. Participants wore purple rubber wristbands and when they caught themselves in a complaint, were to switch their band to the other wrist and start the count anew.

The church has received more than 300,000 requests for the purple bands, according to news reports.

When I heard about this, it sounded like a pretty good idea. Not good enough to go to the trouble of ordering a wristband, mind you, but worth a try.

It is, as you might expect, quite difficult to go even one day without complaining, much less 21. And it’s even harder to parse exactly what counts as a complaint.

Is it a complaint to observe, “It’s kind of gloomy today,” when the sky is blocked by dark clouds that make noon seem like 7 a.m.? Or is that just a relevant observation?

And what are people like me to do, those of us whose entire conversational stock is in making hopefully amusing comments about what we see and hear? Is that complaining, or is it observational humor? Or is it, as my family frequently notes, just plain annoying?

It is also a lot harder to succeed at this challenge if you embark on it on the same day as a family spring vacation trip to Washington, D.C. Because, as many —including me — have observed previously, airline travel today is degrading, disgusting and usually disappointing. That’s not a complaint, that’s an observation — and not a humorous one, either.

But it was difficult not to let a few actual complaints slip out this week as we made our way east. In fact, I gave up on not complaining just moments after we started looking for a parking place at the Fargo airport.

In fact, it is probably safe to say that much of the fun of traveling is in complaining. Or, at any rate, the complaining makes it bearable. Indeed, one of the more interesting travel writers around, Paul Theroux, has made a career out of complaining about most of what he experiences as he travels through South America, China, Southeast Asia, Africa, England … you name it.

I reminded myself how much I have enjoyed Theroux’s books, and took a vow right then and there to go right ahead and complain just as much as I want to. It is possible that Mother Theresa, or some other near-saint, could make it three weeks without a complaint, but I do not fit into that category. Nor, I guess, do I really want to.

Now a few observations —they are not complaints — about Washington, D.C., in case you plan to visit there.

First, guys who don’t want to look like a tourist here definitely need to bring along a black suit. Women, you’ll want the equivalent black-type outfit. No tan. No brown. Black.

Second, do not attempt to cross any street unless the little “walk” symbol is showing. I can’t recall the last big city I was in where people take the walk symbol so seriously.

In other places, Chicago for instance, everyone is just waiting for some rebel to lead the crossing against the light. And there usually is one. Here, it just doesn’t seem to happen.

By the way, just to be sure you don’t linger in the streets, the D.C. crosswalks have countdown timers to show just how fast you need to scuttle along.

Finally, Washington seems to be a laboratory for testing fake security. Nearly every public building has a sign noting, “security check in progress.”

The check consists of an ultra-bored-looking guard rummaging through purses and shopping bags. It is apparently OK to bring in any contraband that will fit in your coat pockets – just don’t put it in a shopping bag.

It is sort of like airport security. It’s safe to say that the government is Doing Something about security. It won’t pass close scrutiny, but it looks good on the surface.

OK, that last one was a complaint. No candidate for sainthood here. Does that surprise anyone?