Family full of BS during Balderdash

By Alan Linda | The Daily Journal

Published Thursday, January 10, 2008

Here comes the annual Christmas Balderdash game, a game I look forward to each year for a couple of reasons. First, we’ve got some first-class B.S.-ers in this family, as those of you who remember some of the last games know; and second, I’m one of them.

So, here goes. The new Balderdash game not only asks those playing to make up definitions for words — from which you have to pick the correct one — but it also gives you movie titles, names, and other categories to make up definitions, actions, content, etc., for.

First, from the goofy laws category: “In Yukon, Oklahoma, it is against the law for a patient to …” You have to say what it is.

Here are the answers from the people playing. “It is against the law for a patient to die.” “It is against the law for a patient to spend more than two hours in a waiting room.” “It is against the law for a patient to enter a guilty plea unless they are crazy.” “It is against the law for a patient to pull out the tooth of a dentist.” “It is against the law for a patient to whistle, hum, or sing in the waiting room.” “It is against the law…to ask a nurse for a date.” “It is against the law in Yukon, Oklahoma, for a patient to leave the hospital without paying the hospital bill.” (Answers at the end. Take your best shot.)

Next, what does this abbreviation stand for: “B.C.C.A.” Here are the players’ answers: “Beer Can Collectors of America.” “Brotherhood of Captured Con Artists.” “Black Cat Club of America.” “Bureau of Consolidated Cooperative’s Association.” “Boston College Cancer Association.” “Black Clergyman’s Comedy Association.” “Blue Cheese Consortium of Amsterdam.”

Next, what was a movie titled “Loose Connections” about? Here are the contestant’s answers. “A flight attendant finds love with a frequent flier.” “Starring Heddie LeMar, this comedy is about a love affair on the New York subway system.” “Scott Baio stars in this 1985 flop about teenage angst.” “A young woman’s in-laws have trouble accepting her when they discover her mother is a hooker.” “A story about a group of English companions traveling to a European soccer match.” “A traveling feminist looking for a travel mate gets stuck sitting by a male chauvinist posing as a gay man.” “A comedy about high school friends meeting for their 25th class reunion.”

Define this word: “Emunction.” “Reciting the alphabet backwards.” “ The act of picking your nose.” “The last step in testing a metal alloy.” “The ability to relate to inanimate objects.” “The delivery and receipt of goods or services.” “A grand jury’s ruling that can throw out a frivolous lawsuit.” “The process of removing body hair.”

(Aren’t these relatives and friends good? I mean, really good!)

Now, a name: Who was “Chad Rown?” “The chief engineer on the Holland tunnel.” “The child who got stuck in the mechanical claw stuffed animal game.” “He smoked ten cigarettes simultaneously through his nose.” “The only man to jump from the Golden Gate Bridge and survive.” “A world champion sumo wrestler who weighed over 500 pounds.” “The person who invented the twist tie.” “The founder of the Perkins restaurant chain.”

What is a “beebuckle?” “The leather trimming tool used by a shoe maker.” “The clasp which allows the train on a wedding dress to detach easily.” “The lock on a double hung window.” “A fastener used to anchor 18th century ship’s sails.” “The buckle on an apiary apron.” “The name of Santa’s youngest elf.” “A Scottish Caribbean term for a dead rat.”

Here’s a goofy law one: “In Bixley, Ohio, a law specifically prohibits using a slot machine…?” “In an outhouse.” “On Sunday morning.” “If you’ve already won a jackpot in the same day.” “With your left hand.” “While under the influence of alcohol.” “For more than 25 consecutive turns.”

Another goofy law: “In Waterbury, Colorado, it is illegal for a hairdresser to..”

“Hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.” “Trim a man’s sideburns.” “Apply makeup to a cadaver.” “Cut men’s hair.” “Accept gratuities larger than four dollars.” “Talk about the weather.” “Wear four-inch heels.”

There you go. Here are the answers.

In Yukon, Oklahoma, it is against the law for a patient to pull out the tooth of a dentist.

“B.C.C.A. stands for: Beer Can Collectors of America.

The movie “Loose Connections” is about a feminist traveler who gets stuck with a male chauvinist posing as a gay man.

The word “emunction” means picking your nose.

Chad Rown is a 500-pound Sumo wrestler.

In Bixley, Ohio, you cannot play a slot machine in an outhouse.

In Wakebury, Colorado, it is illegal to whistle hum, or sing while working on a customer.

If you even got one of these, well, even a blind hog finds a truffle once in a while. If you got two, yeah, right, and Hillary is going to be president.

If you got three, go immediately to the nearest convenience store and buy a lottery ticket.

Alan Linda writes from his home in New York Mills.