Why is there is a real hype for hair

Jerry Barney

Published 12:00 p.m., March 19, 2008

For obvious reasons, I am known to get more than a bit irritated by TV ads which begin, “MEN! WHY BE BALD,” or something equivalent.

Such commercials imply that if a male human being doesn’t have a whole lot of scalp foliage, he just ain’t hip, sophisticated, socially acceptable or politically correct

And in this great day and age of easily-obtainable man-made wonders, the ads continue, one can obtain the social acceptability of having your scalp adorned with a whole bunch of hair (artificial variety) by merely sending in an order accompanied by a check or your credit card number.

Listening to such ads are enough to make some of us tear our hair. That is, if we had any hair left to tear.

Once adorned with locks so wavy they were almost immoral, I noticed at age 21 (and that was more than three years ago) that my hair wasn’t quite as thick as previously. Realizing that both my dad and my mother’s brother were bald, I realized that permanent molting season was approaching.

At first, it was not easy to accept. As a teenager, all that glorious fuzz was one of the few offsets for a bad case of acne. The adjustment did not become any easier when it became unnecessary to part hair, because most of it had already departed

It became especially painful when the scalp replaced the face as the anatomy’s most sunburn-prone spot. It got to be inconvenient when hats, caps and hoods, previously considered superfluous garb, became essential for warmth.

But by the time once reaches such a terminal point, it is possible to at least realize that the loss of hair means the gain of a conversation piece. One can indulge in self-effacing remarks like, “Well I just have to draw a line on my forehead so I know where to quit washing my face.” And it become slightly less expensive when combs are no longer needed.

Then these ads come along and suggest in no uncertain terms that you just ain’t with it if your scalp shines. They make you question the collection of rationalizations you’ve built up over the years. Bald pride starts to weaken.

But as you are weakening and considering ordering the fake fuzz, you start to thinking, “Wait a minute! What’s wrong with being bald, anyway? The hype for hair is just a Madison Avenue thing. Ads like that represent fear mongering at its worst. They’re just trying to get my money by making me feel insecure.:”

Lots of guys, after all, have done just fine in life with hair that’s not there--Presidents Eisenhower and Ford, actors Yul Brynner, Telly Savalas and that one guy on “Lost,” singer Don Reid of the Statler Brothers, and of course Jesse Ventura, who has succeeded as an entertainer both in the wrestling and political arenas.

And now, in an effort to imitate us, some young guys are shaving their heads.

Hey, hair, I don’t need.

After all, God only created a limited number of perfect heads. The rest, He covered with hair

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Jerry Barney is a former newspaper editor in Otter Tail County. He lives in Fergus Falls.