Political releases take new direction

Jerry Barney

Published 12:00 p.m., July 1, 2009

It’s to The Daily Journal’s credit that it doesn’t run a lot of press releases written from the offices of politicians. Recently, it did run one, but fittingly, put it on the editorial page.

Politicians like to see their names in print, and many of them use every opportunity to associate themselves with positive newsworthy happenings, so their names will be used connection with those happenings.

Sometimes, they reach a bit when trying to get their names in papers, and send out various announcements of things which with they have had no (or very little) association.

For example, newspapers for which I have worked have received news releases that read a bit like this:

“State Rep. Ferd Filibuster (Republicrat-Podunk) today announced that the U.S. Dept. of Bureaucracy has issued a $100 grant to the Nowhere Township Board for the construction of a Nuclear Power Plant.”

Such a release would go on, describing in detail the nature of the grant, the proposed plant, the timetable for construction and all other details concerning the matter. And each paragraph would also use glowing references to Sen. Filibuster, using not only his name, but other details about him that voters will hopefully remember.

It matters not that Sen. Filibuster had nothing to do with the decision to authorize the grant, and no connection with the planned nuclear plant.

He is, after all, letting the people know what’s going on. And he is also keeping his name in the public eye. It’s the good ole “voter recognition factor.”

All this is fine and good. But politicians could conceivably carry this practice a step farther. They could, for example, report social news, and in so doing, get their names and other voter recognition details in print fairly often.

A possible example:

“Sen. Ferd Filibuster today announced that Miss Pansy Mae Pander recently became the bride of Dunworth Dullard at the South Spleen Cro Magnon Othodox Church.

“The Podunk Republicrat noted that the altar was decorated with

purple crepe paper with pink sequins.

“The six-term legislator also observed that the Rev. Fud Fundle officiated at the double-ring ceremony as autumn leaves cascaded merrily outside of the church.

“Sen. Fillibuster, who serves on the legislative committee dealing with off-track betting and is conducting a study of the decriminalization of thistles, stated that Miss Chlorophyll Rose Latterday accompanied the proceedings on the church’s mighty pipe organ, while vocal soloist Phenaughty Phinque rendered a contrapuntal arrangement of “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.”

The Podunk lawmaker, who was a heavy equipment operator before voters began demanding his services in the legislature and now operates a family farm, pointed out that the bride was attired in a ankle-length gown of off-white, trimmed with ashtray-gray lace and bright green organza, attached to a stripped, sequined brown-and-black bodice.

The young, dynamic Rep. Filibuster, stressed that many persons attending the affair were his constituents.

“I am in favor of marriage,” said Rep. Filibuster, who had to leave the event early to attend a special legislative session.

Jerry Barney is a Fergus Falls resident and former newspaper editor in Otter Tail County.

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