An Idol Veiw of the Twins
By Tom Grout
May 20, 2008
It’s now past the middle of May so it might be a good time to look at how our Minnesota Twins are doing. A look at the standings this morning sees the Twins playing .500 baseball and are only 1.5 games out of first place. That, I am sure, to some people may be a surprise but that is where they are.
It’s been an interesting season so far and they are a team that is hard to judge. One minute, like against Boston, they look like world beaters, the next minute, like against Toronto recently, they look like they couldn’t beat a little league team.
Because this team is so hard to judge at this time I thought I would have America’s most renowned judges, Randy, Paula, and Simon, from American Idol take a look at the Twins. I called them up and found out they were Twins fans, I mean, who knew.
Oldtimer- Hi guys, thanks for taking the time from your busy schedule to do some judging of our favorite team the Twins. Let’s start with the infield, how do you think they are doing so far?
Paula-Oh that Justin guy at first base is dreamy. He has this bat and he wears his glove as good as Michael Jackson. This Harris is just, just, he overwhelms me with whatever it is that he does. This Chad Everett with his ears that stick out reminds me of Clay Aiken. My Lamb chop is so funny, he makes me laugh.
Randy-Check it out. Morneau is the bomb. The rest of the infield is just Ah-ight.
Simon-Paula, that’s Adam Everett and he looks like Howdy Doody but you are right he does remind me of Clay Aiken. Clay can’t play baseball either. Harris is just awful at turning a double play his footwork reminds me of Adam Corrolla on Dancing with the Stars. You do have this wrong, the guy whose glove is like Michael Jackson is Lamb. Neither one of them know what to do with them.
Oldtimer-What do you think about our catcher? Joe Mauer is a former batting champion and home town boy.
Paula-Those sideburns just give me tingles from my toes and going up. He’s so big just so..I could just eat him up and….
Simon-Ok Paula I believe this is a family blog this old guy is writing. I like Joe, I really do, I mean what’s not to like, and he is so wholesome. But for a guy that big I don’t understand why he doesn’t have a home run yet, after all it is the 20th of May. I have to question just how good a hitter he is really.
Randy-Now Simon, be careful, Joe is one of my dawgs. He can flat out hit and it doesn’t matter where the hit goes as longs as it’s a hit. Who would you like to have up to the plate when the game was on the line?
Oldtimer-The outfield has been interesting this year, what do you think?
Randy-Yo…these guys are young, man. What a future they have. This Gomez kid is as fast as when I played base guitar. You did know I played base for Journey didn’t you?
Paula-Delmon Young is just a hunk and Gomez is so cute with those big doe eyes and Michael Cuddyer is so sweet and is so big and strong I could just squeeze him.
Simon-Paula are you drunk? Baseball isn’t about good bodies beautiful eyes and sweetness. It’s about production. What have these two hunks of gentlemen, Young and Cuddyer, produced, one home run that’s what. Young has such a big hole in his swing that Rueben Stoddard could run through it. Now Gomez is entertaining, he may make some mistakes but does so with a little flare.
Oldtimer-Coming into the season the Twins starting pitching was a question mark. How do they grade out so far?
Paula-I am just amazed that they can throw a ball and throw it so fast. When they are on the mound it looks like a dance the way they twirl around. They have a Boof on the team and he is just so Boofie and Livan, isn’t he the guy that Elton John wrote a song about?
Simon-Paula I think you are over medicated. The starting pitchers have done ok, maybe a little Karaoke, but they can’t seem to get through a game without having at least one bad inning. To make it in this business you have to be able to finish.
Randy-My boys are doing ok. All they have to do is give us 6 good innings then that awesome bullpen will take over.
Oldtimer-Speaking of that awesome bullpen, that was supposed to be the Twins strength this season. Have they come through?
Paula-A bullpen? You mean there is a pen with bulls in it in baseball?
Simon-Oh Paula, please, go back to your dressing room and sniff glue. The bullpen has really not been consistent and to be successful in this business you have to be consistent.
Randy-Check it out, the pen, man, hasn’t been all that bad. Losing that guy with the funky delivery didn’t help. Overall though dude, the are ah-ight.
Oldtimer-Some people think that manager Ron Gardenhire is one of the better managers in the league, what’s your take?
Paula-In my business the manager is very important. You wouldn’t find any jobs without a good manager.
Simon-(rolling his eyes at Paula) Gardy might be a good manager, but a manager is only as good as his players. Tom Kelly was a good manager when he had good players and when they didn’t have good players Ron Coomer was their All-Star. Gardy has been given good players in his years.
Randy-Hey Simon, lay off my Coom-dawg. He is a charter member of my dog pound. No matter what you say, Gardy has always had his team in the thick of things, and he will do it again.
Oldtimer-So what do you all think of the Twins chances this year after watching them so far?
Paula-Well there chances are good with me. They can come into my dressing room anytime.
Randy-The Twins will be ah-ight man. They scrap and fight like a bunch of junk yard dawgs so they will be there in the end. Go Dawgs!!!!! Whoo-whooo.
Simon-Paula, there are no chances with you, it’s a sure thing. The Twins, however, need to start playing baseball the “right way”. At times they play like a little league team and that just isn’t going to cut it in this business. Everyone is going to have to be at the top of their game to compete and right now they aren’t. Sorry.
There you have it from the expert judges. I’m not sure what was gained by all of that, but then I’m not sure what is gained by American Idol either.
So, what is the reader’s take on the Twins so far? It should be interesting to hear.
LOL.. dead on!
Personally, I think they're doing great. Gomez is the spark plug that I knew he would be. Morneau is starting to swing the bat like he can, and is looking more and more(neau) like a lock for a Gold Glove. Delmon Young can hit, and will hit, look for him to get hot in second half. The infield has been nicked up so far this year, and because of that, hasn't looked as sharp as they could. They will be fine. The pitching has been better than I expected at this point, 'cept for Boof. He needs something, not sure what, split-finger maybe, cutter, something... his pitches are too easy to see coming... fastball.... curveball... that's it...neither are terrific. Blackburn and Hernandez have done very well. Slowey is, well Slowey... again, not sure how far you can go with just great control. Perkins has looked good again, but we've seen that before. He needs to stay aggressive. Rincon and Crain should be able to get to Nathan in Neshek's absence. They can be very good, and very bad... like most relievers... they're only as good as their last outing. Nathan... light's out, as usual. We have been soooo spoiled as far as closers go... it's going to be a real kick in the pants when we don't have one someday.
Joe Mauer is a great hitter... right now, he is NOT a homerun hitter. Maybe he never will be. I think he could be if he wanted to go that route. People said that Rod Carew could've hit 30+ homers a year, too. But, swinging harder, and trying to pull more would have affected his batting average. He chose not to go for the homers. Joe takes some grief for it because of his size, he's a big kid... yes, kid. Give him a few years, and I think he'll get 20 or so per year.
Post a comment