I lived with a Frikken safety net

Tom Grout

Published Wednesday, July 30, 2008

When you leave grade school behind and enter the 7th grade it can sometimes be a harrowing experience with strange hallways, classrooms, and bigger kids to contend with. This is made all the more difficult when you happen to be a boy and the size of an Oompa-Loompa like I was.

When I walked down the halls I felt like I was walking through the Red Wood Forest, only this forest was on the move and most times moving very quickly. I would go down the halls like Barney Fife in a haunted house with my head and body bobbing and weaving all over the place trying not to get run down or tripped over.

Since I was the size of a garden gnome I would get picked on once in awhile with a cuff behind the head and my books being pushed to the floor and an occasional trip so not only were my books all over the floor, but so was my body.

One day while I was picking myself off the floor I saw the answer to all my problems of being picked on. There walking down the hall was a tall young guy whose face resembled a young John Wayne and he also had that John Wayne confident stroll. I recognized him to be in my class and his name was David.

David was one of the toughest guys in school so the plan was to make friends with him and as luck would have it he moved just a few houses down from mine so it made things a little easier. David’s last name by the way, and I’m not kidding, was Frikken. When the teachers would take roll call they would say: “David, Frikken, David.” A person had all he could do not to laugh, but we had the fear of Frikken, David for crying out loud so we would bite our lip hoping the eyes of David were not upon us. Maybe this was why David was so tough because it may have been like going through life like Johnny Cash’s song “A Boy Named Sue.” “A boy named Frikken, David.”

Things worked out well as David and I would walk down the hall together. The sight of us, I’m sure, was a wee bit humorous to other people because here was big, tall, David walking down the hall with his very own little “Mini Me”.

I may have been small in stature but I made up for it with a big mouth. With the security of David my mouth would sometimes get me in trouble. One day I mouthed back to some guys who were giving me some grief, and they threatened to beat me to a pulp. David was standing down at the end of the hall so I felt pretty comfortable telling them to go ahead. I reminded them that David was down the hall and as I turned to confirm that fact, he was gone. Frikken, David had left the building.

I didn’t know what a pulp was but I think I found out how one felt that day and I want to tell you that it isn’t good. No, you wouldn’t want to be or feel like a pulp. I wouldn’t recommend that at all, but there was a lesson learned. Without the power of David, keep my mouth shut.

With Frikken, David being my pal and at my disposal, life was good in the world of Tom. I still didn’t like school and I still didn’t get real good grades but I felt much more secure in my safety thanks to David.

Both David and I survived the high school experience and David got himself on the honor roll more than once so he was a pretty smart guy.

I have only seen him maybe twice since we graduated but I know he has had a very successful business career and raised some little Frikken’s of his own who were tremendously gifted and have great careers of their own.

So when anybody says to me, “So you think your so Frikken smart,.” I say, “Well thank you, thank you very much.”

Tom Grout’s column appears Wednesdays. Read Tom’s sports blog at www.fergusfallsjournal.com.